


Reaching Out As I Fall, For You

by DaniJayNel



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: AU, F/F, Fem!Levi, Lots of rain, Mentions of Death, what is this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-02
Updated: 2016-01-18
Packaged: 2018-04-29 15:26:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 16,800
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5132627
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DaniJayNel/pseuds/DaniJayNel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Hey,” someone yelled into her ear. She flinched. “What the hell was that? You walked right out into traffic!”<br/>“I did?” She was vaguely aware of responding softly. The stranger wouldn’t hear her over the roaring wind, the rain. “I guess I did.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This just in, I have just started shipping Mikasaxfem!Levi. To my sister, I am so deeply sorry for betraying Mikannie (not really, this ship is hot). To everyone else, I hope you enjoy this train wreck! Want more Mikasaxfem!Levi from me? Lemme know. I’m definitely into the idea of writing more. This was fun even though I had no idea what was going on as I wrote it. All I saw was them in the rain and very vague backgrounds. Oh well. Enjoy!

The rain beat down on her. Life drained from her fingertips, tears mingled in with the dirty water splashing against her face. She barely blinked the droplets from her eyelashes. The sky was weeping, and she with it.

The road beside the city centre was unusually busy for this time of the year, especially since it was raining hard. But the whirring of engines and the occasional blasting horn fell on deaf ears.

Mikasa felt nothing.

Her clothes clung to her body, to her shivering, pale skin. Her hair plastered to her face, pressed to her cheeks and neck. Wind beat at her as well, but she stood still, frozen. Each muscle was locked in place, like she had never learnt how to move, and never would again. Why would she even want to? What more was there left to move for? Everything for Mikasa had screeched to a dead halt. She was frozen in time, stuck in a place of nothingness.

The feeling of despair reached out to her again, and this time she took its hand.

Mikasa’s skin stung from the cold and the prick of sharp stabs of water, but she hardly felt it at all. She couldn’t see the busy street around her, hear the buzz of activity or the flashing of constant light.

She stepped forward, pulled by an invisible force to somewhere, _anywhere,_ better.

Mikasa put a foot in front of the other, shuddered out one last breath. She wasn’t sure why, but everything went eerily quiet, and she closed her eyes to enjoy it. The coldness and everything in between sunk away, seeped from her bones and out into the ground beneath her feet. It felt like her fight was finally over.

Hard, warm hands clamped around Mikasa’s arm and yanked her backwards so hard that her head snapped around. She could only gasp as her momentum carried her all the way back, and then into something warm and firm.

All at once everything snapped back to her. Noise filtered in, almost deafening—the sounds of the cars, most of them hooting angrily, people yelling and cursing, as well as the constant drum of the rain. Sensation returned—the biting cold wind at her flesh, the freeze in her bones that now made her teeth chatter loudly, and the sensation of water sliding along her skin. Feelings came back to her—the constant ache in her chest, pulling and tearing until she bled out into her stomach, full with the need to vomit and cry, screaming at the world.

Mikasa’s world rushed back in, stole her away, consumed her.

“ _Hey,_ ” someone yelled into her ear. She flinched. “What the _hell_ was that? You walked right out into traffic!”

“I did?” She was vaguely aware of responding softly. The stranger wouldn’t hear her over the roaring wind, the rain. “I guess I did.”

Those hands were pulling at her again, and then the noise stopped, the water rushed off of her body and stayed at her feet, and the constant biting cold turned into pleasant, relieving warmth. They had stepped into a store, though Mikasa didn’t have much time to look around and see which one. Hard grey eyes pierced into her own, making Mikasa hyperaware of her sudden situation. How had she even gotten here?

“Are you trying to kill yourself?” the stranger growled.

Mikasa blinked, noted the long, drenched black hair, the heaving chest. The stranger, Mikasa’s saviour, looked furious.

“Are you mute on top of stupid?” she growled again, this time adding in a firm shake to get some kind of response.

“I’m sorry,” Mikasa uttered. She couldn’t handle those eyes, even though she didn’t know them. They seemed to know _her,_ _see_ right down to every aching piece of her soul. But Mikasa didn’t look away. Part of her relished the way those eyes sliced into her, so she continued to share that gaze, allow it to pick her apart in every way possible.

She continued to stare at Mikasa, apparently satisfied enough with the verbal response not to yell again. But her eyes never wavered, and they seemed to see something in Mikasa’s eyes that only made the grey in hers stand out harsher, darker.

“Sit,” she ordered, shoving at Mikasa’s shoulders. “And don’t even think about leaving or I will personally hunt you down.”

Mikasa found that she was standing next to a table surrounded by chairs, so she obeyed and dropped numbly into the metal seat. Another glance around told her that they had stepped into a bookstore with a café. Huh.

“Where are you going?” Mikasa asked. It was like she was still in a daze, barely aware of her actions and words, simply doing and acting without thinking.

The stranger speared her with another harsh stare, one so hard it could only be called a glare, and then she dipped her head only slightly. “To get coffee. You’re freezing.”

“But I don’t have any money.”

“Clearly,” she bit out. “It’s my treat. Just sit here and try not to run out into traffic again.” She whipped around, satisfied that her harsh threat would stick, and sauntered off to the counter to order coffee. Mikasa watched her go. It was only really then that she noticed one thing—the woman was actually pretty short, and soaked as well, but despite all that, she was beautiful.

It struck Mikasa as odd, that her first thought was how beautiful this stranger was. All she could do was shrug it off and analyse it later. Her hands were starting to ache from the cold, so she wrapped her arms around herself and waited patiently for the coffee. It arrived not even three minutes later.

The dark-haired stranger first placed the mugs down, and then she sat right next to Mikasa, not in front of her. She stared Mikasa down, daring her to object, and then flicked her eyes to Mikasa’s hands and frowned.

“Drink the damn coffee,” she snarled. “Your hands are turning blue.”

She was awfully rude, Mikasa realized. But it didn’t bother her much. Actually, she preferred it. Something told her this stranger wouldn’t hesitate to rip into her. It was nice. Everyone else in her life had been tip-toeing around her, treating her like a fragile glass ready to shatter. Mikasa was exhausted by that. There was nothing left to shatter—everything in her had already broken and bled out.

Mikasa took a while to simply drink the warm liquid and warm herself up from the inside. While she did this, so did the stranger, and she took this opportunity to openly stare. Her saviour was, as noticed earlier, short, but not at all insignificant. She held her spine straight, shoulders squared. While her hands were small, they looked so strong holding onto the mug that Mikasa worried the woman would break the glass. Her clothes were soaked as well, but it seemed that she had at least worn a coat, and it had taken majority of the rainfall. Her long sleeved shirt was only slightly damp, and it clung to her body like a second skin. Which led Mikasa to her second interesting revelation—this woman was short, but not petite and not small. Firm, rigid muscles pressed against the fabric of her clothes. Her biceps strained, even. She was clearly superiorly built, but in no way was she bulky. She was lean.

The most startling thing about her, was her haunting eyes. She stared ahead, at something in the distance, or nothing. Mikasa recognized the deep, dark bruises around her eyes that meant only one thing—this woman barely slept. She was pale, too. Much paler than Mikasa, who, by blood and lack of sun, was pretty damn pale already. She almost looked like a ghost and then not, in one second about to disappear, and in the next so solid that it was terrifying.

Mikasa didn’t notice when she drank the last of her coffee and when she placed the mug down on the table. She didn’t even notice when the stranger did the same, sighing.

“Done staring?” she asked, and then those eyes flicked to Mikasa’s face, and Mikasa felt like she was suddenly burning. She felt her cheeks warm up—which wasn’t like her at all—and turned her eyes down to the table.

“Mm,” she mumbled.

The stranger let out a strange sound, a mixture between a bark and a huff. When Mikasa glanced up, curious, she realized it was a laugh. “You’re one damn weirdo,” she said, rubbing tiredly at her eyes. “Why did I even bust my ass to save yours?”

Mikasa’s mouth went dry. For some reason, her heart began to pound. “I’m Mikasa,” she blurted.

The stranger paused, slowly looked up. She regarded Mikasa harshly for a full minute, and then she softened only very slightly and nodded. “Levi,” she said dismissively, like her name was something mundane, like answering what the time was, or the day of the week.

“Levi,” Mikasa repeated, tasting the name on her tongue. She found that she liked it. “Thank you for saving my life, Levi.” She meant it.

Levi turned to her, partially unamused, partially surprised. “So you weren’t walking into traffic to off your sorry life?”

Mikasa swallowed. “Not… consciously…”

“That makes absolutely no sense.”

“I guess so.” Mikasa sighed. Her eyes were beginning to burn—with exhaustion or tears, she wasn’t sure. “I was just… one minute I was in my room, sobbing into my pillow, the next you’re yelling into my ear. It’s like I completely blacked out.”

Levi’s eyes widened slightly, and then something like understanding flashed over her eyes and she sighed. “I get it,” she said. “That makes more sense then.”

Mikasa slumped down in the seat, rubbing a hand over her face—she was a little less soaked now, at least. “I don’t even know what’s happening to me anymore,” she quietly confessed. “Everything is just falling apart.”

Levi made no noise, but she stared. Mikasa wasn’t looking back, but she could feel those eyes on her. The pull they had was crazy, and Mikasa found herself straightening just to look into Levi’s suddenly open, broken face.

“Who died?” Levi asked harshly, uncaring, insensitive. Mikasa laughed.

“Who didn’t?” Mikasa shot back.

Levi cracked a smile. “Death has no favourites,” she agreed.

Mikasa was absolutely certain that this person, this stranger—Levi—knew exactly how she felt. She didn’t know who exactly in Levi’s life had died, or how recently. She didn’t know how they went or why. All she knew was, with the broken stare mirroring her own, Levi _knew._ And she wasn’t being sympathetic, she wasn’t saying ‘ _I’m so sorry about your loss’_. She wasn’t looking away in discomfort because she didn’t know how to handle Mikasa. Everyone else did. Everyone looked at her like she would fall apart at any moment. And they just didn’t get it. She had already broken. All she was now, was an empty vessel grasping at air.

“Get us another coffee,” Levi suddenly ordered. “You can pay me back for this one.”

Mikasa straightened, released a foggy breath. Her heart ached, but at the same time it suddenly felt so much lighter. Mikasa then realized something—since Levi had pulled her out of the street, she had forgotten. The pain, the loss, the eating despair, hadn’t been in her head. Levi had chased her demons away.

“Okay,” she said, grabbing the money from Levi’s warm palm, wishing she would hold onto it next time, to feel some kind of connection to the earth, like she wasn’t constantly floating away into nowhere.

Mikasa stood and readied to order the coffee, but paused at Levi’s back. She inhaled, exhaled, and then sighed. “Levi, thank you.”

Levi tilted her head back to glare. “I didn’t do anything worth appreciation. Just get us some damn coffee, I’m freezing my ass off here because of you.”

Mikasa didn’t understand why, but the rude response made her smile. She ignored the way Levi rolled her eyes, and then walked off to get the coffee.

Levi watched her. Mikasa felt lighter with those eyes on her, even as they stabbed her right in the heart. She was still cold, and sore and miserable, but at least for that brief moment, the demons weren’t licking at her bones. Mikasa inhaled sharply.

“Um, two regular coffees please.” She smiled.

“Coming right up, ma’am!”


	2. Chapter 2

The lights were shallow, but there was enough of it to see the icy blue eyes focused intently on her. They circled each other, breaths even, skin slick with grime, blood and sweat. Mikasa paid careful attention to her footing, to the position of her hands in front of her. She had her hands open, while her opponent had loosely closed fists. Even though the blonde in front of her was small, she was sturdy and built entirely of anger and muscle. This was the best fight Mikasa had had in a while.

The blonde made absolutely no indication what her next move was, not until she made it. As silent as a knife, she took one large step forward and swung out with one arm. Mikasa only had enough time to block the fist, but then another was coming fast towards her stomach. With no time to react, she clenched her abdomen hard and absorbed most of the impact, but it left her breathless. The blonde took that opportunity to disappear from her sight and reappear behind her. She effortlessly tripped Mikasa down to the floor and crawled onto her back, legs and arms wrapping around her body to choke her.

Mikasa recovered from the stomach blow and reacted instinctively. She twisted her body, surprising her opponent, and then flipped them over. Even though this woman was strong, so was Mikasa. She hadn’t been spending every waking hour in the gym for nothing—she ate healthy now, took long jogs, too. She grunted when the woman beneath her struck out, hitting her in the jaw. Mikasa’s hands pinned her down, and then she moved to put the woman in an arm bar. She only managed to get her legs around her arm, but pulling it down into the lock was another matter. Instead of simply fighting it, the blonde let her body move with the force of Mikasa’s pull, and then once more the wind knocked right out of Mikasa as a heavy shoulder slammed into her chest.

Mikasa’s legs kicked out, and the stranger slid in beneath her, an arm wrapping around her throat. This time Mikasa’s was too winded to react—this was her last fight, whereas the blonde had only just arrived. She was exhausted, beaten already. The arm around her throat tightened and choked her.

Outwardly Mikasa showed no signs of discomfort, but she did kick about trying to get loose from the hold. But once the woman had her in a lock, she wasn’t getting out. As much as she pushed and pulled, that arm was as hard as stone. So Mikasa finally gasped for air—her face was turning blue—and then she tapped the blonde’s arm and the nearby referee called the end of the match. The arm disappeared, as well as the woman’s body heat, and then Mikasa was alone in the dirt.

“And our winner, all the way from Germany!” the referee held the blonde’s arm up.

There was a large crowd around them, cheering and yelling. The noise of their voices had been completely drowned out for Mikasa as she fought—everything else always slipped away to nothing but her breathing and her heartbeat. But now it was filling her again, and she reluctantly got onto her feet.

She swayed immediately. Some men glared at her, as they had probably bet on her winning the fight. She ignored them and went over to put her clothes back on. Then she left the stadium—it was abandoned and half of it was already destroyed, but it was preferable for these types of underground fighting. Mikasa didn’t even spare her opponent a glance or a congratulations. Her body ached, so she hopped onto her bike, kicked it alive and sped out of the stadium grounds.

Ten or so minutes later, Mikasa was approaching a red light when her vision suddenly went dark. Her bike wobbled when she lost balance, but she quickly shook her head and righted herself. The light turned green and the car behind her hooted loudly, the man shouting at the front seat. Mikasa felt a surge of rage flow through her at the man, and considered climbing off her bike to pull him out of the car and punch him in the face. But then other people behind him started to blow their horns, and Mikasa accelerated forward.

Her head whirled again just before she cleared the traffic lights, and Mikasa had no power to stop as her bike tipped over. Her vision went completely dark again, and it felt like her chest had stopped moving. She couldn’t breathe—almost at all. She slammed into the car behind her, since he had been on her ass anyway, and grunted in pain at the force almost snapping her spine. When the car jerked to a halt, she was thrown forward. She skimmed along the road a few times and then came to a halt.

The guy climbed out of his car, swearing more loudly than before. Mikasa didn’t hear him, or the gathering group of people, or someone talking hurriedly into her phone. Blood trickled out of her mouth, and then she shut her eyes and didn’t open them.

XxX

_After returning with the coffee, Mikasa felt… lighter. It was an odd sensation. Especially after living all these months with nothing but regret and grief, and the loneliness of losing an entire family in one night._

_“Here,” Mikasa said as she handed Levi a mug of coffee. “I wasn’t sure what you liked beyond black, so there.”_

_“Sugar?” Levi asked, a dark eyebrow raised._

_Mikasa shook her head. “It’s bitter.”_

_An impressed smile took Levi’s lips. “Just how I like it.”_

_“To match your personality?” Mikasa blurted._

_Levi laughed outright then, and took a sip of her awful, bitter coffee. Mikasa at least enjoyed some sugar in it. “Exactly,” she responded, licking the coffee from her lips. “At least someone finally gets it.”_

_Mikasa was shocked to find herself laughing too, and Levi watched her silently the entire time. But then she wound down, the world sunk back in and she grew solemn._

_“Where do you live?” Levi asked, long after their second rounds of coffee were finished and they were almost dry._

_“Not too far from here.”_

_“I’ll walk you home then.”_

_Mikasa didn’t protest. In fact, she was happy. She didn’t want this stranger to leave. If she did, then maybe Mikasa’s depression would rush back at her, knocking her off her feet._

_They walked silently together across the street underneath Levi’s umbrella—she hadn’t used it earlier, since she had dropped it to quickly pull Mikasa out of the street. It was small and black, and Mikasa had to hold it because Levi was too short, and Mikasa’s head would press against the underside of the umbrella. Levi was certainly not amused by this at all, if the chilling glare she sent forward was any indication. But they had to press together, due to the limited space, and the warmth from Levi kept Mikasa calm. She didn’t want the walk to end._

_Levi snatched the umbrella back as soon as they were in Mikasa’s apartment complex, at the bottom of a flight of stairs. Beside them stood a row of mailboxes. Levi eyed them. “Is that one yours?” she asked, pointing._

_Mikasa glanced over and sighed. The mailbox was stuffed full with letters, and at the foot of the mailbox and the top, were boxes wrapped up, stuffed animals and a few bouquets of flowers. “Yeah,” she muttered quietly. “I just ignore it. By tomorrow all the gifts will be gone. Most of the letters that aren’t in the box will be thrown away or taken, too.”_

_Levi didn’t ask why. She didn’t give Mikasa a judging look. It was like_ this _she understood too, like this she had done herself, as well. It was nice._

_“So I assume you can climb stairs without falling to your death,” Levi told her. “You’re welcome for my heroic deed. Now please never do that again, at least not when I have to see it.” She turned sharply, snapped the umbrella open and then stepped back into the rain. Just before she could walk away, Mikasa hurried to stop her._

_“Wait!” she called. Levi turned. “Will… will I ever see you again?”_

_Levi stared hard—which she seemed to do often. The grey from the clouds made the bruises underneath her eyes more pronounced. But she was grinning in a way that Mikasa hadn’t seen yet, and it made her heart thud against her ribcage._

_“Maybe,” Levi yelled back over the rain. “But it better not be with me saving your ass again. You understand?”_

_Mikasa smiled. “I do, I promise! The next time we meet, I won’t be trying to kill myself.”_

_Levi seemed satisfied. “Good,” she said. “Now get out of the rain you dumbass, before you get sick and die of that.”_

_Mikasa laughed softly and obeyed, and Levi took that opportunity to leave. She watched Levi go, heavily sad again, wishing that she didn’t need to be alone. And then she turned, shook the water out of her hair and hurried up to her dingy apartment._

_Maybe they would meet again._

XxX

Mikasa woke to a shrill beeping that pounded into her skull. With some difficulty her eyes cracked open, and then she was staring at a bland, white ceiling. The lights were burning her eyes, so she shut them again.

“Good evening, Ms Ackerman,” someone announced as they entered. “By that heart rate I’d say you’re wide awake. How do you feel?”

Mikasa opened her eyes again. Her mouth was so dry, her tongue aching. She tried to speak, but only ended up coughing.

“Oh right, water.” The person helped Mikasa sit up, and then held a glass to her mouth. “I’m doctor Blouse,” she explained kindly as Mikasa greedily drank. “But you can just call me Sasha. How are you feeling?”

Mikasa mustered enough strength to glare. “Like I was hit by a car,” she said harshly.

Sasha laughed. “I suppose you would.”

“How long?” Mikasa asked.

Sasha seemed to understand without needing anymore words. “You’ve been out for three days. But it wasn’t actually from the accident. Your lower back is badly bruised, as well as your chest, but you have no broken bones. Not even a concussion.”

“Why was I out for so long then?”

“Lack of sleep,” Sasha shot back. “And I didn’t even need to check your vitals to figure that one out. Ever heard of concealer?” She smiled good naturedly to let Mikasa know that she was only joking, not judging, but it still managed to get under Mikasa’s skin in a very unpleasant way.

“Fantastic,” Mikasa sighed. “So when can I go home?”

Sasha studied the board clipped to Mikasa’s bed, humming. “First thing tomorrow morning. We just need you to get a little more rest. I’ve prescribed some pain killers for the pain. Your muscles are all pretty overworked, but I won’t ask how or why. And you’ll need to take it easy for a while. Your chest especially needs to heal. It was really badly bruised.”

Mikasa remembered how her fighting opponent had fallen into her chest. That must have been it. But how hadn’t she noticed how serious the injury was? Sure, it had hurt, but not that _badly._ Mikasa pressed a hand to her chest and inhaled deeply, and then hissed and let go.

“It’ll hurt like a bitch for the next few days,” Sasha explained. She looked sympathetic. “We’re having an officer visit you in an hour. The guy that hit you ran, so they want to ask a few questions. Even if it was an accident, witnesses said that he was driving too closely to you anyway.”

Mikasa nodded once, and then watched the doctor wave, smile and leave. She relaxed.

_Of all the places,_ she thought.

Mikasa barely had time to mentally prepare herself before someone knocked at the door, and she had no choice but to welcome them in. When the officer stepped inside, Mikasa’s entire world seemed to stop. Familiar, welcoming grey eyes stared across the room at her, slightly widened. Full, pale lips pressed together, harshly, and then dark eyebrows pulled together.

“Seems you can’t even keep a promise,” the officer muttered darkly.

Mikasa couldn’t keep herself from smiling. “Levi,” she breathed. “Why are you here?”

Levi lifted a dark brow, rolled her eyes and then seated herself at Mikasa’s sighed. Before speaking she seemed to first analyse Mikasa’s injuries. “Was it you this time?” she answered instead.”

Mikasa sighed. “It wasn’t intentional, I promise.”

“But it was.”

Mikasa furrowed her brow. Levi was still as intense as ever. And as happy as Mikasa was to see the woman again, there was still something about Levi that just crawled right underneath her skin. “It wasn’t. I blacked out, and the guy behind me drove right into me.”

Levi had a pad of paper in her hand, but she made no move to write anything in it. “You blacked out from exhaustion. And I was told the bruise on your chest, the damage to your ribs, limited your breathing. How did you get that?”

Mikasa definitely couldn’t admit the truth. “I was hit in the chest,” she mumbled, grappling for an excuse. “A tire.”

Levi actually snorted. “A tire? Really?”

“Yeah, I was fixing a tire on my bike when it fell on me.”

“And where did this take place?”

Mikasa sighed. “I can’t remember. These past few days have been rough.”

Levi seemed to sense her reluctance, so she dropped the insistence. But she wasn’t done. “Okay, so about the asshole that hit you. Do you remember his licence plate?” Mikasa shook her head. “If you were asked to, could you describe him?”

“No. I wasn’t feeling too well when the incident happened. But it’s fine, drop it. I don’t need this turning into something bigger than it is.”

Levi nodded. “If that’s what you want.”

Mikasa sighed. “Are we done here?”

“We are.”

“Great.” Mikasa turned onto her side, facing away from Levi. She didn’t want to shut the woman out, because surely after this they would never meet again. But Levi was just so… infuriating.

“Get some rest,” Levi said quietly before standing. “If you remember anything, give me a call.”

Mikasa didn’t respond, and Levi left without another word. Once she was gone, Mikasa slumped in sadness. Something about Levi took her depression away. Now that she was gone, all Mikasa’s demons were begging to come back.

_Why do I care about her so much?_ she wondered. _Well, it doesn’t matter. I’ll probably never see her again._ The thought was more depressing that she wanted to admit. _But oh boy, I didn’t expect her to be a cop._ She rubbed at her tired eyes. _Guess that haunted look makes sense now. Gah! I need to stop thinking about her. Rest. The doctor said to rest._

Mikasa turned onto her other side and tried her best to do just that, but sleep came very slowly to her. As much as she tried, she couldn’t stop regretting the fact that she let Levi walk out of her life for a second time.

Loneliness was a familiar friend, and it slept alongside her that night, as it did every night. Mikasa had no power against it.

 


	3. Chapter 3

Though it was still too early to really be considered morning, Mikasa was up and out of the hospital gown. Moving about out of bed was still a little painful, especially when she bent down or inhaled too deeply. But she wanted to leave, and she endured the pain until she was ready to sign out.

The receptionist was super kind despite the hour, and Mikasa was as polite as possible for her benefit. As soon as she stepped away from the desk, her smile dropped and she winced. She made her way to the elevator, took it down to the ground floor and then walked to the exit. Stepping through the doors and into the chilly morning air was like finally removing her shackles—or so it felt.

There was a soft sigh to her left, and Mikasa’s moment of enjoyment was cut short when Levi pushed off from the wall and approached her.

“How did I know that you would leave the second you woke up?” she sounded irritated, like the fact that she had figured it out was a burden.

Mikasa frowned. “Why are you here?”

Levi wasn’t in her uniform anymore, but she looked like she had just gotten off duty. The bags underneath her eyes were much, much more pronounced now. They actually looked painful. Mikasa studied her carefully, finally noticing the start of a bruise along the side and underside of Levi’s jaw.

“How did you expect to get home at three in the morning with no car?” Levi asked, a brow raised.

Mikasa’s eyes snapped up to meet her gaze. She hadn’t actually thought of it. “Oh, I could just call Eren and—” She was already reaching for her phone, but she caught herself and froze. Her eyes slid closed, and a long, heavy beat of silence passed over them. _I did it again,_ she thought. _It’s been months and I still do this._ The pain that sliced into her chest was something far beyond physical, nothing any medicine could help with. She sucked in a deep, shuddering breath. Levi was watching her cautiously, like she knew exactly what Mikasa had just done and what she was feeling.

“I’ll take you home,” Levi muttered softly. The harshness was gone, but she was still as cold as ever. She reached out, tugged once on Mikasa’s scuffed up jacket and then turned and headed to her car. She was so sure that Mikasa would immediately follow. She did.

The car was nice. A simple black Kia, with an insanely clean interior. When Mikasa sat down, Levi glared at her as if it was reflex, and she had to take a moment to relax before she could stop choking the steering wheel.

“Do you need directions?” Mikasa asked her, strapping her seatbelt in.

“There’s this wonderful thing called memory,” Levi retorted. Her eyes were behind them as she reversed, then trained forward as they drove out of the parking lot and then away, from the hospital and all the memories it brought back to Mikasa.

“I don’t get you,” Mikasa finally voiced. The silence between them was always full, with intensity and things known but not said. “Why are you helping me again?”

Levi didn’t react at all. She didn’t blink, didn’t alter her breathing to indicate that she was either irritated or alarmed. Nothing. She kept silent until they parked in front of Mikasa’s apartment building, and then she climbed out of the car and slammed the door behind her. Mikasa felt the slam rattled her insides. Nerves battled inside her, flipping her stomach inside out. Had she upset Levi?

Her door was suddenly wrenched open and Mikasa flinched reflexively, but then she relaxed when a hand reached out for her, palm up, open and unthreatening. Levi was waiting for her to take it.

“Why I help you shouldn’t matter,” Levi finally answered tightly. Her jaw muscles bunched up, and it seemed to cause her a small measure of pain. She cringed, rolled her eyes and then forced herself to relax. “Only that I do.”

Mikasa took that hand, surprised at the incredible strength when Levi pulled her from the seat, and then the door was thrown closed and they stood there, face to face, so close that Mikasa could almost lean down and—

Where had _that_ thought come from?

“I’m not here for my own amusement,” Levi told her. Mikasa hadn’t realized that Levi was staring so intently at her, like she was trying to read her mind.

Mikasa’s gaze slid back down to the bruise on Levi’s jaw, and she couldn’t stop herself from lifting a hand and gently running a finger over the abused skin. “What happened?” she whispered gently, carefully.

Levi tensed. The strong muscles of her throat worked as she swallowed. Was she nervous? Mikasa sure was. She couldn’t understand why, but she was, and where her skin brushed over Levi’s, however brief, it felt like fire lit underneath her fingertips. It was something she had never felt before. Mikasa’s heart thrummed painfully in her chest. She had to drop her hand, step away and then gently rub at the spot where her heart raced—it ached so much, so often.

Levi released a harsh breath, and then she rubbed at the back of her neck. Her long hair was up in a ponytail. “Some asshole went for my partner,” she explained softly. “He decked me in the jaw, I broke his dick. He’s in jail right now.”

Mikasa didn’t know how, but Levi actually answering that question was a big leap for her. She felt a surge of warmth, and she showed it by relaxing and smiling. “Thank you,” she breathed.

Levi nodded, and then she walked confidently past Mikasa towards the stares. “I don’t even trust you to walk without falling on your face and dying of a brain bleed. Come on. Which floor do you stay on?”

Despite having longer legs, Mikasa had to hurry to catch up. She was panting when she did, and her chest hurt very much thanks to the hefty breaths. She tried to hide her wince of pain, but Levi saw it and immediately slowed her pace. She looked even slightly apologetic.

“Third,” Mikasa gasped out. “Door 304.”

Levi nodded. They fell into step and into silence, the echoing thud of their boots on the floor the only other sound besides Mikasa’s laboured breathing. When they finally made it to the door, Mikasa almost collapsed in relief. She opened it very quickly, but paused just after stepping inside. Levi looked at her.

“Um, do you… thank you.”

For the first time, Levi flashed her a very pleased smile. It was still dipped with sarcasm and the ever present darkness that lurked in Levi’s eyes, but it was such a nice smile. It lit her eyes up slightly, caused dimples at her cheeks. But it was gone as quickly as it had appeared. Mikasa wanted to see it again.

“Here,” Levi reached into her pocket and produced a small card. “If you find yourself dying on the streets again, give me a call.” She huffed. “But please, don’t find yourself dying on the streets again.”

Mikasa took the card, noted ‘Levi Ackerman’ printed neatly at the top above the police department’s name, address and telephone number. And then right at the bottom she spied a cell number, and assumed that was Levi’s. Mikasa was sure that Levi didn’t give just anyone her card—why did she even have a card though?

“Ackerman,” Mikasa mouthed. “That’s really funny, actually.”

Levi seemed offended. “Why do you think that?”

Mikasa leaned against the doorframe and closed her fist around the card. She laughed softly, shaking her head. “Well, I’m Mikasa Ackerman.”

Levi blinked. “We are definitely not related.”

“I hope not.”

“It’s a small world sometimes,” Levi insisted. “I only distantly come from Japan.”

Mikasa laughed again, and then she shrugged. “Maybe the world really is small. Will you drive safely? Go home and sleep.”

Levi blinked again. “I… I was going to. I don’t need you telling me what to do.”

Mikasa smiled sadly. “I know. I just want to help, too.”

This softened Levi’s face again—which seemed to happen often. “Okay,” she muttered. “Get some sleep too. And don’t start fighting again until the bruises are gone. You might actually break your ribs and spine this time, not just bruise them.”

Mikasa’s eyes widened in shock. How had Levi known she was fighting? But Levi smirked at her, all knowing, and walked off to the stairs. She waved lazily over a shoulder, and then she was gone.

Mikasa shut the door, pressed her back to it and slid to the ground. She stared at the card in her hand for a long, long time. For the first time since the accident, she hadn’t broken down and sobbed until her body couldn’t do it anymore. She hadn’t agonized over Eren and… and the others. She hadn’t even thought of him after they had climbed in the car.

Mikasa wasn’t sure if she would ever have the strength to call Levi just for the sake of seeing her, but she felt like it would be inevitable.

“What are the odds?” she whispered to herself, smiling.

Her heart still hurt, her chest ached badly and her lower back was starting to scream as well. She hobbled over to her bed, grabbed a glass of water on the way and then downed a few pills before she collapsed on her mattress, groaning. The pills worked quickly and knocked her out, and for the first night in months, she slept soundly. No dreams tormented her fragile heart.


	4. Chapter 4

Levi delicately bit into her croissant, then turned to glare at the man beside her. He was staring, with his usual creepy smile in place. The smile that told Levi he knew something, or thought that he did. That he was about to be irritating.

“Drop it,” Levi growled before he even began the interrogation.

“Whatever do you mean?”

“I’m serious, Erwin,” she warned. “Don’t go there.”

Erwin’s smile only seemed to grow larger. Before long he’d be showing teeth, too. Levi’s eyes narrowed into slits. She hoped that her chilling glare shut him up like usual.

“But Levi,” he spoke, still so amused and sure of himself. “As your superior, I need to know what’s been troubling you.”

“Nothing. I’m fine.”

Erwin sighed. His smile melted away to concern. “You can tell me, you know. You’ve been out of it lately, which for you is strange. What happened?”

Why couldn’t he just mind his own damn business? Every day and night he probed and prodded until Levi’s patience snapped. Now was no exception. As of late, her temper had been stretched very thin. Even the slightest fuckup made her explode. Everyone else at the station had been avoiding her more than often.

“It’s none of your business,” Levi spat. “Stay out of it.”

That was the wrong move. While Erwin ignored her shitty attitude most of the time, he hated being thwarted. He hated not getting his way, especially when he was so sure something was wrong. His eyes narrowed, his lips pressed together and then he made _that fucking face._ Levi rolled her eyes.

“Levi,” Erwin spoke firmly. “You are to take a week’s paid leave until you sort yourself out.”

This was unexpected. Levi sputtered. She forgot her croissant, her unfinished coffee and the fact that the man beside her was coughing like a sick child. “You can’t do that,” she seethed. “I said I’m fine, so I’m fine.”

Erwin signalled for the café waitress and slipped his credit card out. “I own the station,” he said simply. “What I say goes. I care about you, considering your past. I know you, Levi, better than you know yourself. Something is eating you up. I refuse to have you on duty when you can’t concentrate.”

This was absolute fucking bullshit. But it was also _absolute,_ so no amount of venom from her part could get him to change his mind. Because besides, he was _fucking right._ Of course he would be the only one to notice. She had been spacing out, and she had been acting strangely when confronted with conflict. These feelings swirling in her chest, they were familiar, and they scared her.

Four days. It had been four days since she had escorted Mikasa Ackerman home from the hospital. Four extra days of useless worrying, of the confusion of why it even mattered. Four days of shit.

“Fine,” she growled, accepting defeat.

Erwin flashed _that smile_ again. He was so satisfied with himself. The motherfucker. “Good.”

Levi had a very nasty slur on her tongue simply screaming to slip out, but she froze when her phone started to ring. Erwin’s eyes widened in shock. Levi’s chest tightened as she pulled the device out and saw that it was an unfamiliar number.

_Mikasa?_ Levi thought. _It can’t be, this soon._

Simply put, Levi’s phone never rang. Levi’s phone was like an ancient relic, held fast in her pocket simply to keep it from decaying. She didn’t have friends, or family, to call her this way. And she **never** gave her number out. Not to anyone—except Mikasa.

“Mikasa,” Levi breathed after answering. She had a strange feeling in her stomach suddenly, like the acid inside was soaking through her organs. She had to swallow the extra saliva from her mouth. “What’s wrong?” Erwin watched on, eyes cast away but ears clearly stuck on the topic. He was waiting just as much as Levi, to see how serious this call was.

Mikasa didn’t speak, she gasped. It was a sputtering sound, a wheeze of a breath. Levi recognized the sound of laboured, short breaths.

“Mikasa?”

The gasping continued, like she was trying so desperately to speak, but could not. Levi’s hand tightened painfully around her phone, and then finally, weakly, Mikasa uttered, “h-help…”

Levi needed absolutely no more suggestion. She shot out of her seat, ignoring those around her, ignoring Erwin’s shocked eyes as he watched. She burst out of the café, darted for her car and then set her siren on as she sped away.

Something was wrong, and Levi was panicking. She didn’t know why, not entirely. But Mikasa mattered to her now. And Mikasa needed her.

XxX

_Levi trudged through the rain with no umbrella, with no extra covering. People shot past her, darted over the streets and climbed into cars. The rain was cold against her skin, but she didn’t mind it. She preferred it. Her chest felt like a thousand knives were sticking out, sinking in, pulling back. Slicing deeper and deeper. Then she felt nothing, empty. The pain flowed, it ebbed, but it was so natural to her, so much a part of her. Levi didn’t care for it, but it was inconvenient._

_The street was unusually crowded. She saw a short blonde woman that reminded her of Petra, and her chest tightened up all over again. It wasn’t enough to clutch at her chest, to chase the memories away of the last few weeks. But then Levi saw her, at the edge of the road, stepping away from the sidewalk._

_Someone shouted as the woman made for traffic, her face so dazed she was either extremely high or very suicidal. Levi’s stomach dropped. Bile rose in her throat. She frantically looked around to see if anyone would intervene, but those that had noticed only whispered in shock. So Levi had no choice, and she ran forward to grab the woman just before a car slammed right into her. The wind rushed against them as the car screeched past and halted, the driver stepping out to yell. Levi ignored him._

_The woman was shaking violently. She seemed so out of it that she wasn’t even aware of her surroundings. Levi clenched her jaw, had to swallow down her anger and resentment. She pressed her lips to the stranger’s ear and growled as harshly as she could, “Are you trying to kill yourself?” The woman only stared at her, so dazed and confused. It was like she didn’t even know how she was outside, drenched in the rain, enclosed in a stranger’s embrace. The fury rose like a wave, ready to crush them both. “Are you mute on top of stupid?” Levi growled again._

_“I’m sorry,” the stranger muttered. Her expression melted into shock, confusion, then realization._

_Levi swallowed, and then she made a mistake. She looked into those haunted grey eyes, she saw herself in them, and then she began to care._

XxX

Levi’s blood pulsed rapidly in her ears, and her breaths were mere gasps as she took three steps at a time. Considering her short stature, she was pleasantly surprised at how quickly she made it to Mikasa’s apartment. She didn’t even stop for a breath when she reached it, and immediately felt around for a spare key. If there was none, she would smash the door down.

She was too short to try the top of the door, where some people usually kept a spare key, so she tried the doormat instead. There was nothing, either. Her stomach tightened further, and Levi’s panic rose. She had to inhale deeply and clear her mind to think, to organize herself. She noticed a large pot plant nearby, and hurried to lift it and peer underneath. Nothing either. Her last resort was to look in the pot itself. Right there, hanging so brilliantly on one of the plant’s stalks, was the key. Even someone searching for it would miss it, and most people wouldn’t even think to look on the plant itself.

Levi grabbed at the key and then jabbed it into the door. She twisted once, sucked in a breath and threw the door open.

Mikasa lay in the centre of the room, on her stomach. She was quiet at first, deathly still, but then her torso shuddered as she inhaled. It was more like a gasp than an actual breath, and then Mikasa was clawing at the floor with one hand, her chest with the other. Levi rushed to her side.

 “What’s wrong?” she demanded. The cool façade she always wore slipped into place, and it allowed her to calmly look around to see if anyone had broken in, if Mikasa had been attacked. It seemed unlikely, since the front door had been locked and all the windows were closed. Nothing was knocked over, either, only Mikasa.

“… breathe…” Mikasa sputtered. “Can’t… breathe…”

Levi pressed her wrist to Mikasa’s forehead. She was burning up slightly. “Is your chest tight?” she asked calmly. Mikasa managed to nod weakly. “I’m going to list some symptoms, and I just want you to nod if you have them. Alright?” Once again, Mikasa nodded. She listed off nausea, back pain, chest pain, shortness of breath—that one was pretty obvious though—light headedness, and finally pain in her jaw or arm. Mikasa nodded for everything but the latter.

“It could be a heart attack,” Levi observed. Mikasa gasped again, struggling to breathe. “But it could also just be that injury. I need to take you in to a doctor. Just hold on.” Levi knew that if it really was a heart attack, then Mikasa needed a hospital immediately. She could get there faster in her squad car than an ambulance on its way here. So she made the calculated decision to pick Mikasa up, struggle to lock the door, then hurry down the stairs to her car.

The whole time Mikasa inhaled, shivered, gasped because she couldn’t get enough air. Her eyes were wide, panicked. It was clear that she didn’t want to die. The pain must have been immense. The fact that she was sweating slightly, too, made Levi’s unease grow. They made it to the car in no time, and Levi barely had her own seatbelt on before she was speeding through traffic, sirens blazing, to get Mikasa to the nearest hospital.

XxX

“So it’s nothing too serious,” Dr Sasha spoke softly, a stethoscope pressed to Mikasa’s back. “Just breathe deeply one more time for me. Good. Yes. Alright.” She placed the device around her neck and stepped back to speak with Levi, who was seated by the wall, face pale. Sasha grinned. “You both got quite a scare there, huh?”

“What’s wrong with her?” Levi demanded. Mikasa was still wheezing, still flinching each time she tried to inhale too deeply.

“Not a heart attack,” Sasha immediately informed them. “Her blood pressure is fine, and she has no history of heart disease or asthma in the family. It’s the injury.” She turned to lower Mikasa’s top, to see the bruise still evident on her chest. “I’d say Mikasa stubbornly tried to work out. The wall of her chest is inflamed. Nothing a little medicine can’t fix.”

“Are you sure that’s it?” Levi demanded. She couldn’t help the venom she injected into her voice. The doctor was being so carefree, so calm.

“Trust me,” Sasha assured. “If it was a heart attack, you’d know.”

Mikasa nodded once. Her breaths came a little easier now, and she looked much less panicked. Levi couldn’t relax just yet, but the stone in her stomach seemed to dissolve.

“I’ll prescribe something for the pain and inflammation. You need some antibiotics. It will only be a three day course, so please complete it. And Mikasa,” Sasha fixed Mikasa with a very stern look. It was odd on her face, but it somehow fit. “Allow your injuries to heal. You might really damage yourself next time. I don’t want to see you in my hospital again, do you understand? And you,” she turned to Levi. “Stay with her for as long as you can and make sure that she doesn’t do anything like this again. It’s clear that she has no self-preservation.”

Levi swallowed, then nodded. “I will,” she promised. When Mikasa glanced up at her in surprise, she glared. She made sure to let Mikasa know that she was angry.

“Alright then!” Sasha clapped her hands, grinning all over again. “I was on my way to lunch when you stumbled in. We’ve got the best chefs here, I swear. Get the meds, go home and rest, alright?” She patted Levi on the shoulder, sent Mikasa a bright smile, then skipped happily out of the room.

Mikasa grabbed the prescription note from the bedside table Sasha had dropped it on, then attempted to stand up. Levi was at her side immediately, an arm around her waist.

“Thank you,” Mikasa spoke softly. She had stopped wheezing, but her breaths were still short and shallow.

Levi rolled her eyes, pressed her lips together and said no more. She held onto Mikasa as they went to the clinic and retrieved the prescribed medicine, then finally released her to help her climb into the car. Levi made sure Mikasa was strapped in and then got in by the driver’s side.

They didn’t speak at all. Mikasa seemed lost in thought as she stared out of the window, so Levi left her undisturbed. Her own mind was racing, as well as her heart. She had really thought Mikasa was having some sort of attack, and it had honestly frightened her. She was scared of why.

Levi helped Mikasa up the stairs when they stopped by her apartment complex. They went through the front door and to the couch, where Levi carefully helped her sit down.

“When last did you eat?” Levi demanded upon straightened and squaring her shoulders.

Mikasa glanced up at her. There were bruises underneath her eyes, like she hadn’t slept at all in these past four days. She looked too thin. This made Levi uncharacteristically upset.

“I really can’t remember,” Mikasa confessed quietly.

“Stay here and rest,” Levi told her, heading down into the hallway. She returned a moment later with a pillow, set that down for Mikasa to rest on, then disappeared into the kitchen. She didn’t know where everything was, and the sink was littered with dirty dishes. It took a large measure of control not to drop everything and scrub the kitchen clean, but Levi managed it. She found what she could from the fridge to make a quick stir fry, then went back to the lounge to give a bowl to Mikasa.

“Eat,” she commanded.

Mikasa took the bowl with a nod and obeyed. She wasn’t fighting Levi at all. She looked exhausted, in pain. Her chest stuttered each time she inhaled. Levi felt uncomfortable by that, like she wanted to reach out and tear Mikasa’s pain away. Rip it to shreds and free Mikasa of it. But for now all she could do was sit beside her and offer silent support.

Mikasa ate quietly, but ravenously. She either enjoyed the taste so much she couldn’t stop, or simply choked everything down because she was hungry. Either way, she got the entire bowl down in minutes, and then handed the bowl over to Levi. “Thanks,” she murmured softly.

Levi grunted. She handed the pills and a glass of water over. “Here, this is the antibiotic,” she explained. “And this one is for the pain. Take this one now, and the pain one later again. How are you feeling?”

Mikasa barely flinched as she swallowed both pills at once. “Worse than when I was hit by that car,” she confessed.

Levi frowned. “Lay down. Get some sleep.”

Mikasa nodded and rested back down on her side. It was warm enough now that a blanket wasn’t needed. Levi watched her, wondering why she was there, making food, caring for her. It didn’t go beyond the simple fact that she just wanted to, so she did.

While Mikasa slept, Levi went to work. She first cleaned the kitchen, then after that tackled Mikasa’s growing pile of dirty clothes. Her room and bathroom were a mess as well. The chores set Levi at ease. One of her joys in life was cleanliness—the smell of cleaning agents and fresh air, the feel of soft, clean clothes, and the shine of clean dishes. After she had cleaned her fill, five hours had passed and it was dark outside. Mikasa was still asleep on the couch when Levi went to check on her. She sat down on the couch across from her, staring.

_Why?_ she wondered.

Mikasa finally stirred. Her eyes opened slowly, squinted when they landed on Levi’s frowning face. “Levi?” she asked, confused. A moment later her eyes widened and she lifted a hand to clutch at her chest. She inhaled, but it seemed easier to do this time.

“How do you feel now?”

Mikasa sat up slowly. She glanced outside at the dark, eyes still tired but a little more alert now. The bruises around them seemed to have diminished a little. “Better,” Mikasa answered. “My chest still hurts, but I can breathe again.”

At the mention of that, Levi retrieved the pain medication and dropped a pill onto Mikasa’s palm. “For the pain. You can take one three times a day, when you need to.”

Mikasa swallowed the pill. When it was down, she placed the cup on the coffee table, and then she glanced up at Levi and smiled. It was such a simply smile. Not large, not brilliant. It was small, and it was all kinds of broken and helpless. But Levi’s breath caught at that smile. Her heart pounded by the beauty of it.

“Levi,” Mikasa spoke. Her voice wavered, with emotion now, not breathlessness from a sore chest. “Thank you for saving me. I didn’t have anyone else to call. I’m surprised I managed to get to your contact in the first place. But thank you. I owe you everything.”

Levi snorted. “I asked you not to die lying in the streets, didn’t I? The floor of your apartment counts too.”

Mikasa laughed softly. “I know, I’m sorry. I might have overdone it this morning. I didn’t expect my chest to hurt so much afterwards.”

Levi crossed her arms over her chest, unimpressed. “You really are trying to kill yourself, then.”

Mikasa’s small smile returned. Like earlier, it bothered Levi, it captured her. “Not anymore, Levi,” she said softly. It was like a confession. “After this, not anymore.”

“Why not?”

“I’ve lost a lot. Too much at once. But I realized today, lying there on the floor, barely able to breathe, that I want to live. For them, I need to live on.”

Levi didn’t need to ask. She had known from the beginning. _We carry the weight of living on when those we loved passed on. We endure the suffering of their loss._ Perhaps it was that, that made Levi feel so compelled by Mikasa. Levi wasn’t opposed to physical relationships, since she still had needs, still found women attractive. But this was the first time an attraction went beyond the physical, when it went deep into the heart, the soul.

If there was such a thing as falling in love at first sight, Levi was terrified that this was it. Those eyes called out to her, begged her to understand and reflect. Levi wanted to.

Levi’s face began to burn at her own thoughts, so she quickly redirected them. “I cleaned your house,” she stated casually. “But you need a shower. I’ll get clean clothes for you while you do. I’ll also make dinner for us.” She stood to do just that and felt Mikasa’s eyes on her. She didn’t turn to see the question in them, the emotion. She didn’t turn to look at the smile she knew was on Mikasa’s face.

She didn’t want to acknowledge what her own shuddering pulse meant, and the fluttering of butterflies in her stomach.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What happened to Mikasa, that happened to me at work today, though I wasn’t on the floor. It wasn’t fun at all, and I had the scare of my life. Really not fun.


	5. Chapter 5

Somehow, they fell into an easy routine.

Though Mikasa slept more than not, whenever she woke, Levi was there. Just around 7 a.m. Levi would be up, cleaning something or making food. Mikasa would wake up with her and listen to the busy sounds from her kitchen or guest room. Levi had unofficially moved in, and Mikasa had simply decided to camp out on the couch. It was easier than dragging herself into bed every evening.

After Levi finished whatever morning duties she had, she would leave dressed for a jog. Mikasa felt loneliest when Levi disappeared in the morning, to gym or jog, to perhaps meet with friends or a… lover. Mikasa didn’t know where Levi went, only that she eventually came back. When she did return, she usually had food. But she would always shower first.

Mikasa would eat, sleep for the rest of the morning and then wake up in the afternoon to Levi tapping away at her laptop. Mikasa often just laid there, staring when she thought Levi wouldn’t notice. Levi always did, though, as if she had eyes everywhere else, too. She’d then get lunch ready for them, give Mikasa her pills and then return to what she had been doing. During the evening, much the same happened. Mikasa would rouse, Levi would make food and then they would eat either in the silence, or with the TV on. Often the silence, since Levi seemed less keen to keep the TV on.

The pills made her too drowsy. Mikasa always felt like her bones were heavy after taking them, but she had no choice. There was nowhere for her to be, anyway, so it didn’t matter. No one was missing her presence, worrying where she was. Maybe the only person left was Levi, but that thought wasn’t entirely comforting either—yet.

It was evening, and Mikasa blinked the bleariness from her eyes to get up. Day three was over and her antibiotics were gone. There was only a dull ache in her chest now, but it was manageable on its own that she didn’t need any pain medication.

Levi was over by the dining room table, frowning deeply at her laptop screen. Mikasa decided to simply plop back down and pull the blanket up to her chin. She may have been able to blame the pills, but there was definitely a certain allure to pretending that she didn’t need to exist outside of the sphere of her couch.

“I saw you,” Levi spoke up. “How are you feeling?”

And that, too, was routine. But it wasn’t a chore. Mikasa knew that Levi only asked because she cared.

“Better,” Mikasa answered. “What are we having for dinner?”

Mikasa heard the sound of Levi’s laptop slamming closed, then inhaled when Levi’s footsteps drew near. In no time her vision was blocked by long, black hair.

“We’re going out to eat,” Levi told her. “Get up and take a shower. You haven’t bathed in two days.”

Mikasa burrowed deeper in the blanket. “Can’t we just order in?”

“No. I’m sick of your boring apartment. You need some fresh air too. Get up.”

Mikasa hid her face. “No,” she groaned. “I’m too tired.” Her blanket disappeared in an instant, and all she could do was blink up at Levi’s unimpressed expression.

“Does this face look like I care?”

And then she gasped in surprise when Levi effortlessly picked her up and tossed her over her shoulder. Blood rushed to her head, making her dizzy for a moment, and then she was swaying as Levi walked down the hallway. Her brows furrowed.

“How are you this strong?”

Levi snorted in what sounded like amusement. She didn’t stop until they were in the bathroom, where she gently placed Mikasa on her feet and then gave her shoulder a pat. “I pride myself in fitness,” Levi explained casually.

Mikasa suddenly felt exposed, standing there in the bathroom in her pyjamas. The warmth from her blanket was gone, and reality was slowly settling in.

Levi’s face went still. Mikasa stared, uneasy, when Levi slowly started to lean in. Her brows connected as she stared up into Mikasa’s gaze, and she slowly bit into her bottom lip, like she was trying to conceal something she wanted to, but couldn’t say. Mikasa’s heart shot right up into her throat and then danced around in there, but then plummeted into her stomach.

“Clean your filthy self,” Levi growled playfully, and then she slapped the shower on and leaned away. “Ten minutes,” she said. “And then I’ll drag you there naked.” The door shut quietly behind her, but it might as well have slammed.

Mikasa took a short moment to deal with herself, and then she obeyed orders and climbed into the shower. There was no explanation, really, for the disappointment she had felt when she realized Levi wasn’t actually leaning in to kiss her, like her exhausted brain had thought.

Mikasa frowned as she washed the sweat from her skin. She would need to analyse that emotion later.

XxX

Levi took them downtown, to some of the really poorer areas. Mikasa briefly wondered if Levi was going to murder her, but remembered all the hard work Levi had put in to keep her alive, and ruled that out.

“This area is, um,” she started, not sure how to explain it without sounding super rude.

“A dump,” Levi supplied for her. “I know. Here you’ll find all the whores and drug lords.”

“So why are we here?”

A tiny smile flickered at Levi’s lips. “I used to live here,” she explained. “Up until I was old enough to get the hell out. There’s a restaurant around here, though, that makes the best Asian food.”

“Alright,” Mikasa conceded. “I’ll trust you on this one.”

Now Levi’s smile was there, surprisingly open. “Trust me,” she said. “You’re going to enjoy it.”

Levi was right. Mikasa hardly really tasted food anymore, but after their food was delivered and she took the first bite, her heart was taken. Flavour exploded on her tongue like never before. She didn’t have to ask if every vegetable was fresh, or if the meat was clean and obtained from a reliable source. She could simply taste it.

Levi, sitting across from her on a pillow on the floor, chuckled. Their shoes were at the entrance of the establishment, though they were the only ones there. It was a small place, with peeling walls and stained floors. But the carpet around where people dined was spotless, and from what Mikasa had noticed when the door was open, the kitchen was surprisingly clean as well.

“How did you find this place?” Mikasa found herself asking around another mouthful.

Levi’s smile shrunk, but it seemed to grow in intensity. She looked off to the side as she responded. “My mother was a prostitute,” she explained. “But one day she got sick, and I was only three. She couldn’t do anything for us, and died in her bed. I starved along with her, until my aunt decided on one of her random visits, and found me like a pile of bones. She dropped me off here without a word, and I’ve never seen her since. But the owner of this place,” she gestured towards the kitchen, where Mikasa had seen a busty old woman slaving over the stove just for two people. “She fed me, taught me how to cook and clean. She paid for my education, for everything. So whenever I get the chance, I stop around here to eat.”

Mikasa wondered if the woman was staying in the kitchen at Levi’s request, or if she simply didn’t want to intrude. “Why are you telling me all of this?” Mikasa wondered aloud.

Levi shrugged. “Because it’s only fair.”

“Fair?”

“Mikasa, I’m an officer. I can look into our case files, even the shit I’m not authorized to see.” She grinned. “The perks of knowing the guy that basically owns all of this city’s law enforcement.”

The food was still good, but Mikasa suddenly felt full. Her appetite escaped her. Though she wasn’t upset with Levi. How could she be? A sour taste filled her mouth, reminding her of all the times she had to bite back the bile, to choke down the acid in her stomach.

“You know about the accident, then?”

Levi nodded slowly. She gave Mikasa a careful look, like she was trying to convey a lot without scaring her off. It worked, at least. “I just wanted to know why you walked into traffic that day. I never expected it to be, well…”

Mikasa swallowed. “I’ll tell you,” she choked out. _No,_ something inside of her cried out. _Don’t say the words. Don’t remind yourself._ But she ignored them. She was starting to tremble, starting to shudder and quake until she had to place the bowl in her hand on the table, or drop it.

A warm hand suddenly covered her cheek, and she looked up slowly to see Levi at her side, watching her with concern. “Don’t,” Levi said, “if you can’t.”

The acid on her tongue disappeared, but Mikasa could still taste the shame. Her heart was thudding painfully and excitedly all in one. Without realizing it, she leaned into Levi’s palm and closed her eyes, shuddering.

“I think I need to,” she told her. “I think I just need to stop agonizing over it. Get it off my shoulders.”

She opened her eyes and Levi was still staring. She looked so… soft, in the shallow light. She wore a white button up, with a few top buttons undone to expose her throat and collarbones. The light made her skin glow a little darker, look smoother. Her eyes were almost black in the light, too, but they were filled with so much sympathy and god, _understanding,_ that for a long while Mikasa was simply speechless. But then her voice returned, and she reached up to clutch at Levi’s hand before she began.

“I was starting my career in UFC,” she started. Her mouth went completely dry. “It was not even a year ago. Before a really big fight, my friend suggested we go on a camping trip.” Her lips began to tremble. “Eren and Armin,” she choked out. “My family has private property up on the Shiganshina Mountain, so my parents offered to take us there. Obviously we all agreed, and we left at the start of the weekend.” Now her breaths came in shallow gasps that had nothing to do with the fading bruise on her chest. Their food went cold, and Mikasa’s face washed with tears. “On our way there, some idiot was racing down the path. It’s one-way, so we had nowhere to go, and he smashed right into us. We went tumbling down the mountain.”

Mikasa was shaking too badly now, she couldn’t continue speaking. She was surprised when Levi pulled her down and into her arms, pressing Mikasa’s face against her shoulder. It was so warm there, so comforting. Mikasa reached out to clutch at Levi’s shirt, sobbing.

“I…” she choked out. “I got out with only one scratch. The others all died. My parents died instantly. Eren was impaled through the chest with a branch, and it took an hour for him to die. Armin ended up in hospital for me, but he had bad injuries to his brain, and he didn’t make it.”

Levi didn’t say a word or move a muscle. She was warm and comforting and Mikasa buried herself in the support. She choked on her words and air, on the tears. Levi simply held her, like a solid rock of strength. Eventually Mikasa lifted herself away, embarrassed.

“Survivor’s guilt,” Levi croaked suddenly. “Is a harsh reality.”

Mikasa quickly wiped her tears away. She had never cried like that in front of another, or in their arms. She felt suddenly too exposed, too vulnerable. Levi spoke again.

“I won’t tell you not to feel it. Not to suffer over what happened. You will anyway. No one can stop that for you.” She smiled the saddest smile Mikasa had ever seen on a person before. Now, the bruises under her eyes made sense, the way her eyes seemed so vacant but filled with so much at the same time. “Because me too, Mikasa,” Levi voiced. “I have also outlived every person I’ve ever loved.”

Mikasa clutched at the pillow underneath her. “How do you deal with it?”

She startled when Levi barked out a harsh laugh. “I don’t,” she admitted. “How _do_ you? Every partner I’ve had on the field with me has died some way or another. Twelve of them. Can you believe that?” She snorted, rolling her eyes. “I must have some kind of death curse or something. Maybe my dying whore of a mother cursed me in her last moments.”

Mikasa eyed Levi carefully. She seemed calm, though her jaw muscles kept bunching up. Mikasa was slowly learning to tell when Levi was upset or not, and she could tell that she was worked up. She felt bad for unloading like that. But her shoulders sagged in relief, like finally uttering the words had broken the chains around her own damned soul.

Without reflecting on why the need was so great, or even if it was welcome, Mikasa moved forward and pulled Levi’s face down to her own.

The kiss was hard, and filled with regret and disbelief, but it was sweet. She realized with a short inhale, that Levi’s taste belonged on her tongue.


	6. Chapter 6

Mikasa woke to the fluttery sensation of a cool breeze on her bare lower back. She cracked her eyes open slowly, unaware and still mostly asleep. Reality took its time to rush in, like it often did. Mikasa stretched her limbs, felt the slow burn in them and wondered why she felt so spent, so well exercised but satisfied.

There was a soft sound from down the hallway.

Everything from the day before rushed back in, filling Mikasa’s mind to bursting, causing a soft flush of heat to travel along her skin, settle in her belly. She grasped around for the blanket, but found that it had been kicked off at some point. She curled up and held herself, eyes stuck to the empty space in the bed, where the sheets were ruffled from a missing body.

Levi had spent the night over.

Slowly, almost lazily, Mikasa drew herself out of bed and to the doorway. She snatched a discarded shirt from the ground and pulled it on hastily, not entirely sure of the reception she would receive. There was no doubt that Levi had stayed and that she was in the kitchen, since Mikasa heard the sound of sizzling and then she smelt the tantalizing scent of cooking food. Whatever Levi was making, it was Asian and delicious. It had been so long since Mikasa had tasted proper cooked food.

Levi stood by the stove, apron covering her front. She wore nothing else besides Mikasa’s shirt from yesterday, and it certainly wasn’t long enough to cover her firm backside. Mikasa was only slightly ashamed that she stared for a long second before stepping fully into the room and allowing Levi to know that she was there.

“Breakfast?”

Levi didn’t startle, but her shoulders did tense slightly at the sound of Mikasa’s voice. “What else would I be doing in a damn apron?” she shot back, though her voice betrayed her amusement. There was an undercurrent of nervousness, too. Mikasa wasn’t sure how she had detected it, though there was a chance that Levi hadn’t intended to hide it.

After all, this was the morning after.

“I didn’t expect you to wake up and then make food.” Mikasa took a seat by the table. She tried not to focus on the cold press of the chair against her bare bottom. The fact that both of them were barely clothed didn’t seem to bother her—or Levi.

“I was hungry,” Levi stated, turning only slightly to give Mikasa a piercing stare and the barest of grins. “So I made food. I also figured it would get your ass up.”

Mikasa couldn’t help but chuckle. She placed her elbow onto the table surface, then pressed her cheek into her palm, and simply stared. Levi was magical almost, the way she moved her arms about, the way she stood so tensed yet so relaxed, a contradiction onto herself. On one hand the moment felt easy, like nothing could break in and disturb them. But on the other, it felt fragile, like it would take only one sordid glance to shatter everything. Mikasa’s mouth went dry, and the familiar bitter taste of pain and regret filled her mouth. Levi turned then to plate the food and carry it to the table.

“How did you sleep?” she asked casually.

Mikasa welcomed the plate and the wonderful scent that washed up at her. “Wow, this smells amazing,” she revelled softly. “And I slept fine. Better, actually. Haven’t slept that nicely in a while.”

Levi hadn’t left her side, and she placed her own plate down before she pressed a hand to Mikasa’s shoulder and waited for their eyes to meet. When Mikasa turned to look up at her, Levi bent down and kissed her.

Mikasa had not expected such a forward move. Surely things were supposed to be awkward between them? They’d had sex the previous evening. They barely knew each other. And yet, there they were, semi-naked, making out lazily like the entire day was laid out simply for them to enjoy each other. Mikasa’s tongue tingled and her mind buzzed. What on earth was Levi thinking?

Levi pulled back with a short puff, almost like it pained her to do so, and nipped at Mikasa’s lip lightly on the way. She took the seat beside Mikasa, and then turned away to begin eating. Mikasa blinked at her.

“You just kissed me,” she pointed out, dazed. Her lips felt warm, amazing.

Levi snorted. “So? I was eating you out last night.”

Mikasa forced her blush down. “No I mean… why? Why are you still here?”

Levi waited and slowly ate more than half of her breakfast before she finally placed her chopsticks to the side, cleared her throat and turned fully to fix Mikasa with a look that said one thing: _you’re an idiot._

“We fucked,” Levi said bluntly. “And I enjoyed it. I enjoyed you. Can’t I decide not to do the walk of shame? To just stay with you for a while longer? Unless you want me to leave, then I will.”

Mikasa’s hand shot out to grab Levi’s. “No! I want you to stay.”

Levi almost smiled. “Then stop being a dumbass and enjoy the food I woke up early to make for you. Also, you snore. It’s irritating.” She turned back to her meal and seemed to shut the rest of the world out for the time it took her to finish eating.

Mikasa tried to enjoy her breakfast, she really did, but her heart was pounding so loudly in her ears that she couldn’t focus. It felt like heat travelled just underneath her skin, scorching her from the inside out. Levi burned her. Knowing what they had done to each other, that every brush of Levi’s fingertips, tongue, lips, had set her on fire, did so again. She sat there and squirmed, and finally managed to swallow the last of the food down. Levi cleaned their dishes, and then she turned and gave Mikasa an odd look.

Mikasa couldn’t control it. Her heart thudded, ached and wanted, so she stood on unsteady legs and moved over to where Levi stood. “You want to stay?” she asked. “Here, with me?”

Levi nodded slowly.

“Just because you want to?” Mikasa continued.

“I only do anything I explicitly want to, Mikasa. I bend to no one, not even you. Especially not you.”

Mikasa blinked when a memory from the night before assaulted her, of her body bent awkwardly, Levi above her, so strong and flexible, so good with her tongue. She felt her cheeks burn and her lower belly fill with liquid heat. She reached Levi and roughly pulled her closer, against her. Levi’s long hair cascaded over her shoulder, covering her bared front—the button up was undone, so Mikasa could clearly see her chiselled abdomen and the beautiful slopes of her breasts. She reached out, swept her hair aside and then ran a finger down Levi’s creamy skin.

“Why?” she breathed. She was pressing Levi into the counter, so far back that Levi nearly toppled over and had to lean against her own elbows. Mikasa leaned in close to her face, wanting so badly to taste her lips again, to have them consume hers.

Levi looked fierce. It was almost frightening. Like the night before, an uncontrolled fire burned in her eyes and Mikasa invited it in to destroy her, remake her. Levi hopped up onto the counter and drew Mikasa closer with her legs around her waist. She leaned closer, very lightly nipped at her bottom lip. And then she exhaled and chuckled. All tension, all pretence and worries dripped away, and Levi’s face was suddenly too open, too sharing. She smiled a hungry, predatory smile. Mikasa shuddered when Levi answered her.

“Why not?”


	7. Chapter 7

The day went by slowly, owing nothing but a gentle breeze and the pleasant warmth from the sun filtering through the slightly open curtains. Levi and Mikasa were in the lounge on the couch, both naked and well spent, covered only by a thin blanket. Mikasa had her cheek pressed to Levi’s stomach, though Levi was smaller than her. The position just felt right, comfortable. She struggled against sleep, and occasionally lost. But Levi’s presence always brought her back. Levi was watching TV, and sometimes watching her. Eventually, the sun began to set and Levi’s fingertips began to trace patterns against Mikasa’s sides.

“Why are you still here?” Mikasa asked.

Levi’s fingers hesitated, paused, then carried on. “Because I can.”

“No, I mean,” she drew herself up and crawled over Levi until they were chest to chest. “Don’t you have work? You’ve been here all day.”

Levi’s eyes softened slightly, but they were still cold and hard, like stone. Her frown remained, though, and now a small crease formed between her brows. “I was put on forced leave,” she blurted, hardly aware of herself. Her lips had betrayed her, as they had been doing since the day before. Levi felt her stomach flutter with something sickening, but Mikasa’s firm body against her own helped it melt away.

Mikasa relaxed. “Is everything okay?”

“Just fine,” Levi snapped. “What do you care anyway?”

Mikasa blinked, sure that hurt had washed over her features. Levi seemed to have noticed, for her frown intensified and her eyes lost their harshness. She lifted a hand and ran it through Mikasa’s hair, sighing.

“I don’t know why, but I do,” Mikasa responded slowly. Her mouth had gone dry, and swallowing was almost a little painful. Her heart thudded steadily in her chest, reminding her that she was alive, that she was both in pain and in pleasure. Staring so openly into Levi’s eyes sliced her right open, but made her want to stare at them forever, too.

Levi studied her for a long moment, hands now still. Eventually she moved, a very small smile dancing at the edge of her lips, and drew Mikasa in for another kiss. Mikasa felt the heat in her blood stir once again, ready to overlap all sensibilities and explode all over them, but then Levi pulled away, pushed her off and stood from the couch.

“I’m hungry,” Levi announced. “Get dressed.”

She headed out of the room, Mikasa’s eyes on her. It took a long second for Mikasa to register the sudden change, but then she was standing from the couch too and heading to the bathroom for a shower.

XxX

“Not as good as the first place I took you to,” Levi announced, holding the door so that Mikasa could enter. “But a friend of mine owns the place, and the food is pretty good.”

Mikasa offered a small smile in thanks as she swept by Mikasa and into the establishment, and then she gasped lightly and halted where she stood. “’Pretty good’?” she sputtered.

In front of her were tables scattered throughout a large, spacious room. Glass tables were rounded by people in expensive clothing and jewellery. Large chandeliers hung from the ceiling, and in the corner a woman elegantly played the piano. Worst of all, Mikasa looked like she had crawled out of the sewer with her plane dark jeans, t-shirt and black leather jacket. Levi was similarly dressed, though she had a button-up on. Strangely, Levi didn’t look out of place. She glared angrily over at the nearest table, where an old balding man frowned over at them.

“Levi!”

A flurry of brown hair blocked Mikasa’s view, and then Levi was hefted into the air and spun around. Mikasa pressed a hand to her mouth to stifle her laugh, and Levi merely grunted in annoyance and waited until the woman set her down.

“Do that again and I’ll disembowel you,” Levi growled. The intense anger drained away immediately to a morbid sense of amusement, and Levi pulled the woman in for a one armed hug. “How have you been, shitty glasses?”

The woman—with long brown hair tied up, glasses perched on her nose and the most beautiful set of features—chuckled and gave Levi’s hair a playful tug. She pulled away quickly to look at Mikasa, and her gaze turned calculative.

“Who is this, Levi?” she asked, an odd lilt to her voice now, like she was suddenly aware of an intruder.

“I’m Mikasa,” she introduced herself quickly, holding a hand out.

“Hanji,” the woman responded, grabbing the hand for a firm handshake. She grinned widely—it was a little creepy—and when her eyes landed on Levi again, Mikasa had no doubt that this woman knew exactly what had happened between her and Levi the previous evening. “Table for two, then,” Hanji announced, breaking the awkward silence.

Mikasa watched Levi as they were escorted to their table, but she seemed at ease despite Hanji’s odd behaviour. They were seated and then given menus, but Hanji bid her farewell and disappeared into the kitchen. Mikasa took this opportunity to give Levi a pointed look.

“What?” Levi asked.

Mikasa chewed on her lip for a moment, then decided she might as well. “So Hanji seems odd.”

Levi snorted. “She’s worse than ‘odd’.”

“How did you meet her?”

Levi’s eyes never left the menu as she spoke. “In the academy.”

“Did you join the same station together?”

“Yeah.”

“What happened?”

Now Levi placed the menu aside, and her eyes took on the hard quality that Mikasa remembered from that first day. She was slightly hurt to see it, but could understand the extent of what she was asking.

“Hanji was my first partner,” Levi admitted quietly. “She was almost killed on duty.”

“Almost?”

“Yeah,” Levi bit out. “She was thrown out a building, but I couldn’t hold on for long.”

“She’s alright now, right?”

Levi’s tension finally broke and she released a short breath. “Yeah,” she said. “Hanji is alright.”

Mikasa wanted to know more. She was tempted to ask for the story in detail, but knew that Levi wasn’t ready, that it would make Levi uncomfortable to speak about. So she turned to the menu, decided on something to eat and then enjoyed the following silence with Levi, which was strangely comfortable.


	8. Chapter 8

Hard, lean muscles tensed, stretched and then glistened with sweat. Mikasa pretended that she was still asleep, but really she was simply lying in bed, watching as Levi did a few quick work-outs before she headed off to shower, which seemed to be the routine she had adopted. She didn’t notice how Mikasa stared, which was fine. It meant Mikasa could stare longer, without worry.

Half an hour later Levi finished off and stripped on her way to the bathroom connected to Mikasa’s bathroom. All the while Mikasa’s eyes followed her, discreetly, and it amused her to no end that Levi hadn’t even noticed her yet. And that Levi seemed to have claimed ownership of her house, if the ease with which she moved about was any indication.

The shower switched on, and Mikasa was lulled into a state of sleep thanks to the soothing sound of the water spilling over the shower floor. It also helped that she felt the phantom sensation of warmth over her skin, simply reminded of the way a shower made her feel. She sighed, content and warm.

Mikasa was roused by the sensation of lips at her brow, but when she opened her eyes Levi was standing beside the bed, watching her. She turned onto her back to stretch.

“Sleep well?” Levi asked.

Mikasa smiled. “I did. Enjoy your shower?”

A tiny smirk played at Levi’s lips, one that said she possibly knew Mikasa had been staring at her, but Mikasa wasn’t entirely sure. Levi could have simply been smirking at something evil she’d thought.

“I did. What’re you smiling like a dope for?”

The smirk still lingered on her lips, making Mikasa fill with a sense of curiosity and amusement. “Nothing too serious.”

Levi lifted a brow. “Not serious, hm?”

“Unless, of course,” Mikasa sat up, covering her naked front with the sheet. She suddenly felt the mood shift, “you wouldn’t mind a little seriousness?” When Levi cast her gaze away, eyes flicking to the bedroom doorway, Mikasa wanted to kick herself for ruining the playful mood. Clearly whatever had happened between them wasn’t as serious to Levi. She looked slightly uncomfortable, but thoughtful. Most of Mikasa didn’t actually want the answer.

Eventually Levi’s gaze returned, but it was unreadable. She stepped closer, lifted a hand and brushed a lock of hair behind Mikasa’s ear. Her mouth turned down into a deep frown and her eyes were searching for something, asking questions Mikasa didn’t yet understand. But then the hand dropped away and Levi stepped away.

“Let’s eat something.”

Mikasa could only nod and watch Levi leave the room, wondering why she had opened her mouth, and if any chance with Levi had just been ruined.

She didn’t stop to wonder why that mattered so much, anyway.

XxX

The weariness in her bones was difficult to hide, but she managed it. Her leave days were over, and she was now back at work, on duty alone in the poorer parts of the city. Someone had reported a recent car theft, and so she had been tasked with watching the area for any suspicious behaviour. There was plenty of it, of course, but Levi wasn’t entirely in the mood to chase down every prostitute or druggie. As long as they didn’t bother her or do anything worse, she would leave them be.

Her eyes hurt worse than usual. The time by Mikasa had been a weird sort of escape. Nice, even. Returning to her own flat had brought all the negative feelings back, and she’d had her first night terror in a week. It had started out as they always did—Levi fresh out of the academy, excited to stop crime and help people, unaware that on her first response her partner would be shoved out of a window, and that her grip would be too weak because she didn’t train enough and ate too much junk food.

_“Hanji!”_

_“Levi!” Hanji grappled for purchase, but there was none. Levi’s hand shot out and clasped around her wrist, but the hold was feeble. “You can’t lift me up. Don’t fall with me!”_

_Sweat immediately broke out across Levi’s forehead. Her face contorted with panic. The criminals had already run from the building, but Levi wouldn’t have been able to face them anyway._

_“Just hold on, damnit,” she urged, trying to grab on with her other hand, but she almost sent them both tumbling when she lost her balance._

_“Levi!” Hanji barked. “Let me go! Go after those assholes. Whatever happens, happens.”_

_Levi’s face paled. “Hanji, there is no way I’m letting you go!”_

_“You can’t hold on forever.”_

_“Watch me, Four-Eyes.”_

_Hanji flashed a sad smile, opened her mouth to respond, but gasped when the grip slackened and she slipped out of Levi’s hand._

_Levi watched, helpless, as her friend fell to the concrete below, and then landed with a sickening thud. Police sirens beckoned in the distance, almost too late._

Levi shook her head and rubbed at her eyes again. She wanted to sigh, but felt like she had done too much of that already. Mikasa had been a comfort, somehow. Focusing on that idiot had kept Levi’s mind off of the usual, but they were usually inevitable, snaking in at every waking or sleeping moment. Last night had been spent tossing and turning, and then eventually thrashing and screaming.

Levi sighed. Then rolled her eyes at herself for sighing.

Her thoughts then went entirely to Mikasa, and she wondered briefly why she had allowed herself to be as intimate with the woman as she had. It was an uncomfortable question, and one that Levi did have the answer to, but didn’t want to acknowledge. Mikasa had asked her what their entanglement had meant, and Levi had blatantly ignored it. She felt slightly bad, but then decided that it wasn’t her problem if Mikasa grew attached. After all, who in their right mind would like someone as gloomy as _her_?

 _Goddamn, I don’t even know her,_ Levi’s mind growled at her. Her chest pulled and ached, and she had to clutch at the stiff fabric of her uniform shirt. The tie felt too tight, constricting. Levi went to rip it off, but then paused when movement caught her eye.

So far she had seen the usual: drug dealers in the alleyways and parking lots, hookers at the street corners, and the poor homeless that either begged, stole, or simply existed. But near a few of the more expensive looking cars—most were extremely shitty—Levi spotted a figure ducking and dodging. She called for backup, checked her gun and then set out to investigate.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So guys, I’m a little stuck on plot for the rest of this. What would you like to see further on in the story? How would you like to see their relationship develop? I have a few things in mind, but I need plot before I can really do that. I’m also interested to know how you guys feel about the development so far, and what you want. Thanks so much for reading.


	9. Chapter 9

Levi sipped quietly at her drink, glad for the fact that it was so late, and that she was friendly enough with the bartender that she didn’t mind her staying there after hours. She’d had one whisky already, but she was now only nursing a cold coke. Rarely did she ever drink in excess.

Ymir, the bartender, sauntered to Levi and leaned over the counter. “I’ve never seen you look like such a sack of shit before, Levi, and I’ve seen you look shit before.”

Levi snorted, drank some more coke. “Stuff off, Ymir.”

“Tell me what ails you.”

“No.”

“I can help, promise.”

“No you can’t, you’re annoying.”

“When last did you even sleep?”

Ymir calmly wiped a cloth over the counter for the millionth time, making sure that it was exceptionally clean. Levi admired her for that, and for the fact that out of all the assholes in the world, Ymir was the least intimidated by her. Ymir could take her fierce glare with a grin. It infuriated Levi to no end, but it also gave her an odd sense that she and Ymir were sort-of, kinda, almost friends. She cringed.

“I can’t remember,” Levi admitted quietly. She sighed, still looking into her drink. The taste of alcohol was still in her mouth, still burning in her stomach, and she suddenly felt like having more. Luckily she was intelligent, and so she snuffed the desire out.

“What’s eating you up so bad?” Ymir asked. She had tossed the ragged cloth over her shoulder, and was now organizing the glasses at her side of the counter. Ymir enjoyed order over chaos, giving her one more point in Levi’s book. The book had only one name, so Ymir was doing pretty well.

“Remember that woman I pulled out of traffic?”

Ymir nodded. “Mikasa Ackerman. What about her?”

Levi didn’t let her surprise show. Ymir definitely had a keen ear. She was also very interested in eavesdropping and gaining any information that might be used as blackmail, if she ever needed it, but this, it was simply a friend looking out for another friend. It was disgusting. Levi frowned.

“It’s creepy that you remember her name after I mentioned it once.”

“You never tell me names, Levi,” Ymir deadpanned. “So this one is special.”

“I haven’t seen her in a while, probably won’t again. She isn’t special.”

Ymir clicked her tongue, then slapped her hands down on the counter in front of Levi. “Bull-fucking-shit, my friend. Stop feeding yourself horse shit. You know she means something to you.”

“How in the hell can you claim to know that?” Levi growled. She knew Ymir was right, incredibly right, but hated the fact and didn’t want to give in so easily. Her heart didn’t want to admit it, either.

“Well, the fact that you mentioned her at all said one thing. Now you’re sulking in every damn corner because you’re too much of a pussy to see her pretty face again. Has she called you?”

Levi shook her head, sighing. “She’s messaged me a few times.”

“Did you respond?”

“Of course.”

Ymir’s lips twitched with a smile. “Kinda sounds like you give a shit about her, you know.”

“You’re full of shit,” Levi growled. She downed the coke and then slammed the glass down on the table, happy to take her anger out on the inanimate object.

“Hey, lay off on the merch’, please. I need new glasses every damn month and that stuff’s expensive.”

Levi shrugged. “Sorry.”

“But I think you should call her. You don’t even need to see her in person yet. Just call her. Talk to her.”

Levi’s shoulders slumped. “I… I don’t know if I can.”

Ymir’s gaze softened, and she reached out to pat Levi on the shoulder. “It’s tough, I know. But Levi, if this woman means something to you, then don’t let her slip away. You’ve let yourself be alone too long.”

“What would you know?” Levi shot back, but the words sounded hollow. “You’re happily married and pussy-whipped.”

Ymir grinned and wiggled her finger, where her wedding ring glinted in the light. “And what a fantastic whip it is.”

“Gross.”

“Not the point. I’m happy. Meeting Historia changed my whole life. I’m glad I left the police, to be with her. I was miserable.”

Levi nodded, rolling her eyes. Lord, if she let Ymir start she wouldn’t stop blabbering on about her soulmate and the strong, requited love they shared, that they completed, added to and complimented each other. It made her want to hurl, but it also made her stomach clench with resentment and jealousy. A small, tired voice would always say, _where is that for me?_

“Maybe I will call her,” Levi decided. She slapped a few bills onto the counter. “Thanks for staying late for me.”

“Nah, His’ would kick my ass if I sent you home without giving you some advice.”

Levi headed for the door and threw a wave over her shoulder. She heard Ymir say goodbye, then she went to her car and slowly climbed inside. It was definitely too late now, but Levi felt her fingers twitch. Before she realized it, her phone was cradled in her hand and she had Mikasa’s contact open.

“Just call her,” she told herself.

Since leaving and not visiting her again, Mikasa had been a constant on Levi’s mind. Whenever she tried to forget about her, the thoughts only returned stronger. While lying in bed, Levi would remember the simple thing of how pretty Mikasa’s smile was, or how soft her hair felt. On the hotter evenings, Levi would remember how it felt to be inside of Mikasa, to feel her thrumming heartbeat and hear the small, shuddering breaths that she released. More times than not, Levi found herself hot, bothered and frustrated.

She hit call before she had time to doubt herself, and then gulped in a deep breath. Her heart was racing. For the first time ever, Levi could admit that she was nervous.

XxX

Mikasa tried to keep her attention on the TV, but nothing seemed to work. Her eyes hurt, her muscles were sore, and she was overall miserable. She tried to convince herself that Levi didn’t matter to her, and that it had only been an awesome one week thing, and it was over, but she couldn’t. It made no sense to her that she felt so heartsick. She barely knew Levi.

Maybe it was hero worship, or something. Maybe she was feeling these things because Levi had saved her. But that didn’t explain how Levi had managed to get her feeling human again, feeling like there was hope, and that she could move on and live her life.

She was back into professional MMA, thanks to Levi. It was her own determination in the end, yes, but Levi had given her the courage to try. She would no longer do illegal fights. She would get her previous name back and make an impact on the industry. Or at least, just make a decent salary every once in a while, doing something she enjoyed.

Mikasa sighed and reached for the remote. She needed to sleep, because she had to wake early to go for a jog and then do her morning workout, but couldn’t seem to find the strength get up and go to bed. Eventually she just grabbed the couch blanket and curled up into a ball, ready to fall asleep there for the night

On the coffee table, Mikasa’s phone began to ring. She surprised herself by how quickly she jumped up and snatched it.

“Hello?”

There was silence at first, and then a sharp inhale. “Hi, Mikasa.”

Mikasa’s stomach fluttered. “Levi?”

“Yeah.”

She swallowed. “Is everything okay?”

“Fine. Did I wake you?”

Mikasa was a little jostled to hear a slight shake in Levi’s voice. She hadn’t expected to hear from Levi again, not after the way things had ended so awkwardly. Was she nervous?

“No, I couldn’t sleep.”

Levi chuckled. “Yeah, me too.”

“Where are you?”

“In my car.”

Mikasa checked the time. “It’s 2 a.m.”

“I’m a cop, it’s permitted.”

For a moment Mikasa had the intense desire to ask for Levi to drive over, but she paused, thought it through. Levi wasn’t speaking, but she was still on the line. Eventually Mikasa made a decision.

“Spend the night with me?” she asked it softly, barely above a whisper.

The line went so quiet that Mikasa could almost hear the crickets, and then Levi exhaled.

“I’ll be there in ten minutes.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What do you think they do after Levi arrives? Thanks so much for reading guys!


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